12 DEC 2016

Hello.

It has been a while since I've written anything.

Actually, I'm no longer on my Eurotrip. I'm on my Asia trip. 

I'm sitting here in a little cafe in Osaka. 

I've had a lot of time to reflect today, being on my own. 

I'm a little bit nervous about going back home, starting my new job. I feel like there's all this pressure all over again... Just when I thought it was the end.

I'm going to be starting at job at one of the world's most prestigious financial services companies. 

To be honest, I never really thought I was going to be in business - there are all these super savvy business men and women out there. And when I look at myself, I just see this kinda quirky awkward little girl. I think I need to re-evaluate where I am, and what I can bring to the table. 

I am currently reading 'How to win friends and influence people'. I've been in this constant battle with understanding the facts VS understanding the people. I think ensuring that I can mathematically, scientifically or literally answer a problem better than someone else has been the bane of my existence. I've always acknowledged that studying has not been my strong point, it's not something that I enjoy, and getting the best grades is definitely something that I can't really resonate with. I guess the good thing is that the more that I read in this book, I begin to realise there are things that I have already been doing that are a good foundation for winning friends and influencing people. 

It has made me reflect on my life, and my interactions with people, and how I can get better at interacting with others. There is a whole chapter about smiling - something that comes to me naturally, and it's power. I want to try and be better, and remember to continually improve without being in a program where I am spoon fed. I have learnt that there is no point in me being afraid or intimidated by others, that one of the best ways to combat this is to concentrate on improving myself. Reading self-help books, and surrounding myself with positive people. I hope that you are smiling as you read this piece.

Stay smiling.

EUROTRIP 2016

Hi there, 

I'm writing this as I sit at Sydney's International Terminal, waiting to board my flight. Boarding starts in about 45 minutes. Just waiting for time to pass, so I thought I'd write up a blog post. I'm super excited to head over to Europe, there were some last minute changes, but that's alright. I'm going to be over there by myself, so I think I should be fine. I can't wait to land in London, and get started. I'm actually really looking forward to breakfast. Hopefully I'll be able to post blogs whilst I'm over there. 

Until the next blog, stay smiling.

x

Thank you ❣

It's sometimes a little funny to think how you find things you've been looking for in the most unexpected places. I can definitely tell you, I did not see this coming, maybe in my super sub conscious I had a yearning for something deeper than what I was up to every weekend. But I can still remember the rejection I pushed onto you, when you tried to pursue me. I didn't want it, I didn't want you. Sometimes I look back and I seriously can't even begin to understand how we managed to get to where we are today. But I think that there is a reason, a reason as to why I managed to break out of this shell I built for myself.

When you have the most amazing boyfriend who brings you ice cream when you're sick, makes you dinner and gives you a massage after a long day at work. ❤️

And if I had to put it down on paper,

there's something about you that makes me

want to be better. There is no combination of words 

and punctuation marks that can express 

how much happy you make me. 

And you've shown me what it's suppose to be like. 

 

"At the end of the day, people are going to judge you, 

so you might as well do what makes you happy."

Happy Birthday Jono ❤️😊

I can taste you whenever I close my eyes.

You wash over me like cotton candy syrup.

Pull on the marshmallow ropes,

And watch it rain gummy bears.

And I can finally see the rainbow, 

That was hidden amongst all the bullshit. 

Thank you for showing me how happy I could truly be.

And I think everything just happened to fall into place.

Even though I didn't know it at the time.

When I look back now, everything seems to make sense.

And I'm glad that my experience made me ready for you. 

I think I might be ready to let go, and fall.

"If we had a moment, we could ignite."

Home - Topic ft. Nico Santos

And did you ever stop to consider that maybe you're here

to give love to those who are broken?

20APRIL2016

And I hope that one day,

Our paths will collide again.

I'm thankful for the times we shared,

it was an amazing flood of emotions.

I hope there are still chapters to be written 

in this book...

That this is only an interlude to what could be.

And maybe one day, however long it may take

I'll find you by the water.

 

If you never let yourself go, you'll never know how far you can rise.

Is there a blue moon tonight? 

Skrux - My Love Is A Weapon ft. Delacey

I want to see all the parts that make up you.

I want to know touch the deepest parts of your soul.

And even if I don't know how to fit all the pieces together right now,
I would stick around to see even a glimpse of that light.

10APRIL2016

That night on the bridge, 

sitting in your arms, 

talking about what we could be.

The train whooshed past, 

lighting up the darkness,

"You're beautiful."

There's a reason why I'm still here,

and I can't promise that I'm always going to be,

All I know is that, 

there's no way I can walk away,

even if I wanted to.

Happy Birthday Dad 🎉😘👴🏼

 

"Thanks for taking care of me."

i'm going to see it out till the end,

like I always do.

don't be the rock that stops 

the river from flowing,

because in the end...

the water always washes away the rock.

Every single atom inside me lights up when you're around,

they pulsate, electrify...

So tell me why, it's so dark inside.

All I can see is the trail of lights that use to be.

 

at the end of the day, you have to evaluate your options

if that means breaking things a part, and trying to fit things back together

that obviously don't belong,

you have to make a choice, better make sure it's the right one.

Wilkinson - Afterglow

Things started to make sense.

"Prizing social validation and a sense of belonging so highly, romantic relationships hold a special level of importance for ESFJs. No other kind of relationship provides people with the ESFJ personality type with the same level of support and devotion, and the feelings of security and stability that come with strong romantic relationships are extremely warming.

With such a goal in mind, ESFJ personalities take each stage, from dating to everything thereafter, very seriously.  Knowing that they are loved and appreciated has a huge effect on ESFJs' mood and self-esteem. They can be very needy, compromising their own principles and values in exchange for their partners' approval. ESFJs need to ensure that they build relationships that allow them to satisfy their own needs and dreams, with partners who appreciate their care and generosity fully, and who reciprocate as well."

https://www.16personalities.com/esfj-relationships-dating

Ember Island - Need You (Lyric Video)

You're just not that lucky.

You deseve the best.

A commonality that I have found between all my interactions in relationships,

is that I always get to a point, where I realise that I can do better.

I get to this realisation that there is a better person out there,

who will fall so completely and utterly in love with me,

so much so that I shouldn't have to deal with anyone else's bullshit.

I know sometimes it's hard to see when your field of vision is blocked by something so toxic disguised as an angel standing right in front of you.

I guess the sad thing is that sometimes people don't always realise the value of what they have, standing there right in front of them, until it's gone. 

Sometimes you just have to take a deep breath, re-focus your perspective and know that

you are strong enough to let go.

After all, we all deserve the best, sometimes it just takes a little time to realise it.

Date Day

What comes with every relationship is a plethora of lessons waiting to be unlocked.

It would be a waste to indulge in the the pleasures of these relationships without truly understanding their potential worth.

I think the best relationships are open. 

They do not wear chains, that bound one to the other.

They allow one to explore whatever it is their heart desires.

But at the end of the day, they know that home is where the other is.

 

There is a reason why in a population of 7.4 billion, our paths collided.

Although I don't know why, I'd like to think that one day I'll look back and be thankful

for the memories we created - the good and the bad.

It takes great courage and strength to love unconditionally; without expectation, even in the face of disappointment.

"I'm just chewing gum, until the flavour's gone."

Two hopeless hearts just passing by.

"i'd rather have hope with you than certainty with anyone else" 

reign

the beast.

They say "don't play with fire, you're going to get burnt."

They say "one day your curiosity is going to be the death of you."

But you've awoken an insatiable desire deep inside.

And I don't know how to ease it.

And I don't know how to tame the beast within.

And I don't have the courage to feed this hunger...
I want to love you free of boundaries.

So I ask, please give me Strength to believe you.
 

"it's okay to be afraid, the trick is not fighting it."

the 100

You.

I want to tell myself that it's going to be different this time.

I don't know why I told you that you're worth it.

There is something courageous in the art of being vulnerable.

This pulsating sensation sparks a blue flame.

If you could close your eyes, tell me is it me you see?

There is nothing that stands between us besides our own walls we've built in our heads.

This paralysis eats away at us.

Let me bring you to the edge.

 

Booked my flights to London.

This probably isn't going to go anywhere. So let's not waste our time.

3:02 AM THOUGHTS

When your mind races so fast that nothing seems to make sense.

You try to slow it down, try to comprehend it all but everything's a blur.

Second guessing yourself, you put your walls up, you're scared that whatever this is, it's too good and you don't deserve it.

This fear plagues your thoughts, creating doubt and worry, leaving a bitter taste in the back of your throat. 

Starts to drain the life out of you, the thoughts in your mind become monsters. Your own creations, stare blankly right back at you and sometimes you don't even know where these insecurities came from.

You ask yourself, do you cut your losses before things even begin?

Or do you play the game, and give the person a chance even though it's scary as fuck?

Even if it means the chance of getting fucked over?

Don't let the fear of losing, keep you from playing the game. 

I know it's easier than it sounds. I know it's a scary thing to let someone see the deepest and darkest parts of what makes you human. 

But it's okay, because some people are worth the risk, you just need to have a little faith. 

I don't think I've ever been so scared that I might fuck things up. I think sometimes I'm scared that being me is not enough.

I think sometimes I feel like I need to be more. 

And I think sometimes I just need to remember that we're all human. 

And sometimes all you can do is give it everything you have because when you look back at everything that's happened, you want to be able to say to yourself you gave it everything, and sometimes that's the best thing that anyone can ask for. 

Have a little faith.

Don't let the thorns that cut you, 

stop you from getting to know the other flowers in the garden.

 

 

HAPPY 2016

Hello 2016

• Get fit
• Eat healthy
• Secure a graduate position
• Travel - Europe & Japan
• Graduation
• Car
• New part time job

Goodbye 2015

• USA
• Internship x 2
• New hair
• Central Coast
• Barangaroo
• Museums & Art Galleries
• Single
• Melbourne