"Character is what you are in the dark" - Dwight L. Moody

Adele - Hello

SKYLINE.

I've spent my entire teenage years in relationships. I don't regret being in those relationships, I feel as a teenager, I experimented with love and became hooked. Unlike others who experimented with drugs and alcohol, I played with my heart and it became an addiction. There is something that I can't describe when it comes to love, the happiness, the excitement, the butterflies, the thrill, it  makes the pain worth it. 

I've been single for the past three months, it's not something that I'm used to. At first it was liberating, and after that I felt empty, like a part of me was missing. I tried to fill these slots of what otherwise would have been time spent with these people, I have been going out more, with my friends, and by myself. I tried to open myself up to someone even though I wasn't ready. I created expectations for myself that didn't align with the time frame that I'm at right now. 

 

But I'm learning to become comfortable with being by myself. It's funny to think that we come into this world as an individual, and yet I haven't been on my own for nearly a decade. I must admit, that these years have taught me a lot about what I look for in a man, and how to love somebody else. However, they also created a sense of dependency.  As psychology has taught me, I'm currently undergoing extinction therapy, breaking the connections of what use to be, and trying to form new forms of attributions and cognitive links.

I have decided that I am going to go through a process of reincarnation. This is particularly difficult for me, as I always tend to see the best in people, and it acts as a magnet, pulling me closer, but these forces of attraction aren't always particularly good. They end up with me becoming vulnerable, and people taking advantage of that in the short term, or they become something that is more long term that I end up giving up on. 

 

 I am going to try and be more patient, I am not looking for love. To say the least, I'm not even sure I know what it means. Right now, I'm not ready for love. I'm not ready for the heartbreak and the pain.  I don't want to settle for anyone. I want to be blown away, to feel something so strong I can feel the tingles under my skin. In saying that, I don't want to be vulnerable anymore. I will only show those who truly deserve to see the deepest parts of me.

REINCARNATION.

re·in·car·na·tion

/ˌrēənkärˈnāSH(ə)n/

noun

a person or animal in whom a particular soul is believed to have been reborn.

INTERLUDE.

And even if we wanted to save the people that we care about

Sometimes, they don't want us to.

sin·gle

/'siNGɡəl/

origins: Singulus related to simplus

"... But you know, I just need some consistency... I need to know that you're not going to wake up in the morning and feel differently. I can't give you that Tom, nobody can."

We need to live everyday knowing that there's a chance that when we wake up tomorrow, people might not feel the same as how they once did. This is something that we often take for granted... Thinking that people are going to wait around for us. But life is too short and all we can be sure about is today.

♥

MYSELF.

"ANYTHING HURTS LESS THAN QUIET"

QUIET - TROYE SIVAN.

Also got tix to his concert today.

DREAMS.

If you're waiting for a sign, here it is. 

Dream big and take risks.

Because you'll never know what tomorrow holds.

Even though we're alive, don't forget to

LIVE.

Today I witnessed that when humans have a drive, a passion, a desire, a yearning for anything, they create opportunities for themselves to achieve, to obtain what it is they've been wanting, and it's truly inspiring. 

BEAUTIFUL VENENUM.

Isn't it funny how we don't want the people who want us? 

And the people that we want couldn't care less.

falling in love is easy,

but staying in love is another story.
we don't choose who we fall for,
but staying in love is always a choice.

Atomistic VS Holistic

The moment we begin to break things down, we tend to lose focus of the bigger picture.

Halsey - BADLANDS (Trailer)

STAGE 5: ACCEPTANCE.

♡BREAKER

 I saw you standing there

I don't think I've ever felt so much fear

Because I'm a heart breaker.

 

 

Writing's On The Wall - Sam Smith

How do I live? 

How do I breathe? 

When you're not here I'm suffocating 

I want to feel love, run through my blood

 Tell me is this where I give it all up?

 For you I have to risk it all 

Cause the writing's on the wall

How do I live? How do I breathe?
When you're not here I'm suffocating
I want to feel love, run through my blood
Tell me is this where I give it all up?
For you I have to risk it all
Cause the writing's on the wall

I can't be the person they want me to be.

They say put on your armour, build your walls, and load your weapon.

But every time I see you, the floor falls from beneath me.

And I lie here bare - naked, and you take fire.

I'm sorry I can't be the person they want me to be,

Even if it saves me from you. 

If we fucking accept the love we think we deserve.

Does that make us fools if we accept the love, even if it's plagued by disease?

Do we become hopeless romantics, if we latch onto something destructive?

SOTD: Troye Sivan - FOOLS (Lyric Video)

"And my hopes, they are high, I must keep them small
Though I try to resist I still want it all."

If this is a game, I don't want to play victim.

Are we out of the woods yet?

People.

We have the capacity to love, but we can also shoot arrows that pierce holes.
And when we fall, we get up, we stitch together our wounds.
But the nightmares haunt us forever, holding our souls captive.
And every time we try to erase them, we end up back at square one.
And every time we try to break free, we know that there is no victory in this war.

RUSH

I think it's the deepest darkest parts of us that we fear most.

But I feel like it's these parts of us that remind us that we're human.

We have fears, desires that push us to crave what we can't have.

When we become consumed with darkness, 

We fight it, it teases us, itching for more attention.

And when we eventually let go, we know we have already lost,

But we're hung up, secretly wanting, needing more.

 

THE GROUNDS OF ALEXANDRIA.