And sometimes I ask myself 'how did we get here?'

Wtf.

"And I wanna believe you,

When you tell me that it'll be okay.

Yeah I try to believe you, not today."

Tomorrow - Avril Lavigne

The moment when everything is so perfect and you go and fuck things up.

I know I already said this, but I need to tell myself that I can't be selfish with you. You deserve someone who makes you happy.

HAPPY 4TH BIRTHDAY :3

I guess this is what they call insomnia. Being awake in the late hours of the night. I don't really know why I can't fall a sleep. Perhaps it's your absence that lingers on my mind and refuses to let go. Or perhaps it's my mind running wild and free, stopping at no costs as it embarks on its journey for immortality.

I know that with you I can't be selfish.

i want something to remind me that you're always here with me.

thanks for being the best school ever SOM.

-.-

dear follow readers,

how are we today? yes i am doing a normal blog post - not comprised of too much emotion. it is going to be very direct. i feel like i haven't don't one of these in a long time. so i am currently sitting on level 6 of the main library. i am quite hungry, i haven't really had lunch. i had an original green tea mango mantra from boost, that doesn't really count does it? well i am sitting here in my break. this has by far been the longest break i have ever gone through (it's only 2 hours) kind of feels like forever. my phone is going to die soon i am on 27%, it is currently 4:30pm, how sad. i have to stay here until 8pm - joy. it is quite cold, i am pretty sure the air con is blowing right up in my face and my hands are cold, but that's okay. i am wearing my puffy khaki jacket today and it is keeping me tres warm. so i was going to play neverwinter - yes i like to play games. however i got to this part where it asked what 'stard' i wanted to be in, and then i had no idea how to proceed, so i stopped after that. it's okay though because i am going to go home and play with bk. someone told me a couple days ago that i need to be strong, so that people can rely on me. i need to be a rock. a very good rock. a rock that people can lean on, when they're upset. when they don't want to be here anymore. when they think they have nothing going for them. it is really sad when i see my friend, let us called this person Q. yes Q, how obscure. anyway, let me continue. so every time I see Q, i feel that Q is quite content. but no, this  is not the case at all. i guess it is somewhat like an iceberg, where everything lies beneath the surface. i don't know if Q is okay. I hope Q is okay. I  feel as though whatever i try to do to help Q is not working. Q is very upset. i hope no one ever has to go through that unhappiness. it seems somewhat emotionally draining. i want Q to be okay. no, i don't. i want Q to be better than okay. i want Q to be where i am, because i think Q deserves to be happy. and it's hard to imagine how people have such a dramatic effect on us. i always tell myself that people are just people and what is the most that they can do? but this is so wrong. well yes, people are people. but people are capable of destruction. people make other people hurt and cry. i don't want people to do this. oh dear, i just rewinded to the beginning of this blogpost where i said it wasn't going to be emotional. funny that it as long as i keep typing, things start to get emotional and i didn't even start out trying to be emotional. i just wanted to type a recount of how my day is, the next thing you know, i'm pouring out all this emotion. crazy isn't it? that just having a set of keys in front of me can cause me to fall victim to expression of emotion? and that is all from me. i hope you get better Q. you mean a lot of me. and i want everything to be okay. i don't know where i would be without you.

x

peace out kiddies.

'I don't want to be with anyone else. I love you so much. You make me so happy.'

And I think what hurts the most is that I'm meant to be able to come to you to talk about anything and everything. But how the fuck do you suppose I do that if you don't even listen to me? If you don't even care, and you're fucking oblivious to fucking everything that goes on in my life? How the fuck is that suppose to work? Yeah tell me when you fucking know the answer. Because I'm fucking sick of it.

Never in my life have I been so scared to lose something that means so much to me.

And maybe it's because it's still the early hours of the day, or maybe this is really something different, something special that no one could understand no matter how much they tried to.

I feel like this overwhelming feeling consumes me, ties me down and it won't let me go, but it also has the power to make me feel things I've never felt before.

☼

Not a sound, you go by unnoticed.
But when you speak, it's warm.
I can feel you radiate your sun rays.
You chase the clouds away.
There's rainbow on the other side.
You run across the stars.
And explode like a supernova.
Your magic lights up the sky,
You shine bright like the sun.
And even in the darkest hours,
We see your light shining like diamonds.
And even though you're gone,
You're still here.
You're still here.

Last night was no doubt, amazing.
All it took was a little courage to embrace entire adventure.

"Right from the start
You were a thief

You stole my heart."

P!nk - Just Give Me a Reason ft Nate Ruess

Because I don't feel like I'm of any significance to you.

Never Know

Woke up this morning to grey skies.

Rain drops dance along my window sill.

Could feel my happiness drain away.

Nothing left but this broken core.

And what if we're not here tomorrow.

All those words left unsaid.

Is it really okay to leave them?

Now I'll never know, I'll never know.

Rush home to be with you.

Your absence lingers, it feels numb.

Could feel my happiness drain away.

Nothing left but this broken core.

And what if we're not here tomorrow.

All those words left unsaid.

Is it really okay to leave them?

Now I'll never know, I'll never know.

And all I wanted was for you

To give a damn.

Figure out things weren't right.

Just wanted to hear your voice.

And what if we're not here tomorrow.

All those words left unsaid.

Is it really okay to leave them?

Now I'll never know, I'll never know.

And what if we're not here tomorrow.

All those words left unsaid.

Is it really okay to leave them?

Now I'll never know, I'll never know.

"I wish I was strong enough to lift, not one, but both of us.

Some day I will be strong enough to life, not one, but both of us."

Both of Us - B.o.B ft Taylor Swift.

To be honest, I'm petrified.

I'm so afraid.
I don't want to lose this magic.

If i turn away, just for a moment,

What if everything is gone?

And sometimes I wonder how

I even managed to even find 

Something so perfect.

I stay up to watch the champagne stars.
Watch them drift through the night sky.
Take me to the unknown.
Let me live for this moment.

And this is how our story goes,
When our fingers interlock,
I feel our hearts locking too.
Tell me you can feel the sparks.
I feel it raining butterflies.
Let me lay in the rain, wash away all the insecurities.
It doesn't matter because we got this far.

◀◀ H1M; 7413;

• Waking up way too early.
• Silver Linings Playbook.
• Losing my phone.
• Finding my phone.
• Darling harbour.
• End of daylight savings.
• Talking on the pier.
• All smiles.

"Why worry now? You'll be safe
Hold my hand, just in case
And we won't fade into darkness."

Fade into Darkness - Avicii