Wentworth Falls

Goodbye.

Closing this chapter, to what was a disappointment.

You are strong enough to turn over a new page.

Stop doing this to yourself.

There's only so much one can take.

Be strong.

I think it's too late for apologies.

It's kinda weird how people come back into your life when you least expect it.

Except sometimes it's a little too late for second chances.

Survived my first week.

Everyone is absolutely amazing. 

❤️

Tomorrow is the day. What initially was excitement, joy and opportunity has turned into stress and anxiety. People say, you only freak out because it means that you care. Sometimes I think I care too much, about me, about people, and about things that sometimes don't really need to be cared for. Tomorrow is my first day of my internship. I am so scared that I'm going to stuff it up. I don't want to sleep because when I wake up, it'll be time to go, and I don't know if I'm mentally prepared for that. 

Tomorrow is the first day of my career, and thinking about it is a scary thing. But it's also the first day of my internship. At the end of the day, it's just another day. So seize it, smile, have fun, and don't take things too seriously.

I think it was something that I always knew but I never wanted to be sure of. Sometimes we dance around and play pretend in a wonderland where there's no room for heartbreak and pain. But eventually we've got to come back down to reality.

JoJo - Say Love [Official Video]

HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIDE.

Better Love - Foxes

"And it's killing me when I'm in your arms I forget the darker days.

And it's haunting me, these feet of mine won't let me march away. 

Show me a better love..."

ALL THE WORDS.

I could write down all the words that exist in this universe and they still wouldn't be able to explain how I feel, and that's why this thing whatever it is, is and always will be an unrequited love. 

I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANYONE.

DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME.

HALLOWEEN WEEKEND 2015.

SQUAD.

"I'm an emotional person, I need to be able to talk about my feelings and you knew that and you still pursued me, because you want something with me... I'm sorry that telling you how I feel meant that you were going to be a coward and disappear. It just means that you just weren't strong enough to have it, to open up yourself to me. Which in a way makes you pathetic. But the saddest thing is one day you're going to wake up and realise that it's too late for apologies and second chances, because I'll be gone."

"Character is what you are in the dark" - Dwight L. Moody

Adele - Hello

SKYLINE.

I've spent my entire teenage years in relationships. I don't regret being in those relationships, I feel as a teenager, I experimented with love and became hooked. Unlike others who experimented with drugs and alcohol, I played with my heart and it became an addiction. There is something that I can't describe when it comes to love, the happiness, the excitement, the butterflies, the thrill, it  makes the pain worth it. 

I've been single for the past three months, it's not something that I'm used to. At first it was liberating, and after that I felt empty, like a part of me was missing. I tried to fill these slots of what otherwise would have been time spent with these people, I have been going out more, with my friends, and by myself. I tried to open myself up to someone even though I wasn't ready. I created expectations for myself that didn't align with the time frame that I'm at right now. 

 

But I'm learning to become comfortable with being by myself. It's funny to think that we come into this world as an individual, and yet I haven't been on my own for nearly a decade. I must admit, that these years have taught me a lot about what I look for in a man, and how to love somebody else. However, they also created a sense of dependency.  As psychology has taught me, I'm currently undergoing extinction therapy, breaking the connections of what use to be, and trying to form new forms of attributions and cognitive links.

I have decided that I am going to go through a process of reincarnation. This is particularly difficult for me, as I always tend to see the best in people, and it acts as a magnet, pulling me closer, but these forces of attraction aren't always particularly good. They end up with me becoming vulnerable, and people taking advantage of that in the short term, or they become something that is more long term that I end up giving up on. 

 

 I am going to try and be more patient, I am not looking for love. To say the least, I'm not even sure I know what it means. Right now, I'm not ready for love. I'm not ready for the heartbreak and the pain.  I don't want to settle for anyone. I want to be blown away, to feel something so strong I can feel the tingles under my skin. In saying that, I don't want to be vulnerable anymore. I will only show those who truly deserve to see the deepest parts of me.

REINCARNATION.

re·in·car·na·tion

/ˌrēənkärˈnāSH(ə)n/

noun

a person or animal in whom a particular soul is believed to have been reborn.

INTERLUDE.

And even if we wanted to save the people that we care about

Sometimes, they don't want us to.

sin·gle

/'siNGɡəl/

origins: Singulus related to simplus

"... But you know, I just need some consistency... I need to know that you're not going to wake up in the morning and feel differently. I can't give you that Tom, nobody can."

We need to live everyday knowing that there's a chance that when we wake up tomorrow, people might not feel the same as how they once did. This is something that we often take for granted... Thinking that people are going to wait around for us. But life is too short and all we can be sure about is today.

♥

MYSELF.

"ANYTHING HURTS LESS THAN QUIET"

QUIET - TROYE SIVAN.

Also got tix to his concert today.

DREAMS.

If you're waiting for a sign, here it is. 

Dream big and take risks.

Because you'll never know what tomorrow holds.

Even though we're alive, don't forget to

LIVE.

Today I witnessed that when humans have a drive, a passion, a desire, a yearning for anything, they create opportunities for themselves to achieve, to obtain what it is they've been wanting, and it's truly inspiring. 

BEAUTIFUL VENENUM.

Isn't it funny how we don't want the people who want us? 

And the people that we want couldn't care less.

falling in love is easy,

but staying in love is another story.
we don't choose who we fall for,
but staying in love is always a choice.

Atomistic VS Holistic

The moment we begin to break things down, we tend to lose focus of the bigger picture.

Halsey - BADLANDS (Trailer)

STAGE 5: ACCEPTANCE.

♡BREAKER

 I saw you standing there

I don't think I've ever felt so much fear

Because I'm a heart breaker.

 

 

Writing's On The Wall - Sam Smith

How do I live? 

How do I breathe? 

When you're not here I'm suffocating 

I want to feel love, run through my blood

 Tell me is this where I give it all up?

 For you I have to risk it all 

Cause the writing's on the wall

How do I live? How do I breathe?
When you're not here I'm suffocating
I want to feel love, run through my blood
Tell me is this where I give it all up?
For you I have to risk it all
Cause the writing's on the wall

I can't be the person they want me to be.

They say put on your armour, build your walls, and load your weapon.

But every time I see you, the floor falls from beneath me.

And I lie here bare - naked, and you take fire.

I'm sorry I can't be the person they want me to be,

Even if it saves me from you. 

If we fucking accept the love we think we deserve.

Does that make us fools if we accept the love, even if it's plagued by disease?

Do we become hopeless romantics, if we latch onto something destructive?

SOTD: Troye Sivan - FOOLS (Lyric Video)

"And my hopes, they are high, I must keep them small
Though I try to resist I still want it all."

If this is a game, I don't want to play victim.

Are we out of the woods yet?

People.

We have the capacity to love, but we can also shoot arrows that pierce holes.
And when we fall, we get up, we stitch together our wounds.
But the nightmares haunt us forever, holding our souls captive.
And every time we try to erase them, we end up back at square one.
And every time we try to break free, we know that there is no victory in this war.

RUSH

I think it's the deepest darkest parts of us that we fear most.

But I feel like it's these parts of us that remind us that we're human.

We have fears, desires that push us to crave what we can't have.

When we become consumed with darkness, 

We fight it, it teases us, itching for more attention.

And when we eventually let go, we know we have already lost,

But we're hung up, secretly wanting, needing more.

 

THE GROUNDS OF ALEXANDRIA.

Date Day

Sometimes you can't be nice to everyone, especially when they're taking you for granted.

SOTD: Zedd - Beautiful Now ft. Jon Bellion

SOTD: Shawn Mendes - Kid In Love (Audio)

SOTD: Shawn Mendes & Hailee Steinfeld - Stitches (Acoustic)

Absolutely hooked on this.

MYSTERY.

La Roux 'In For The Kill' - Skrillex remix

"I'm going in for the kill

I'm doing it for a thrill

Oh, I'm hoping you'll understand

And not let go of my hand"

One | Won?

Stop.

Take a moment, let it wash over you.

It's okay to cry, let it out. 

Close your eyes, jump into nothing.

You can fall

Freely, until something stops you.

But before you jump,

make sure you're ready to

open your eyes to who ultimately saves you.

 

When you're stuck in an awkward limbo and you don't know whether to hold on or let go.

HUMAN - KREWELLA

"They say pain is an illusion, this is just a bruise and you are just confused but i am only human."

I MADE IT!

Hi guys,

This is going to be a long post. 

As you can obviously guess from the title, I got the summer internship! 

I'm over the moon, I've been jumping around my house like a crazy girl. A little bit about my experience, so I woke up at 2:20AM on Monday, and I couldn't  fall back a sleep because the "what if" situations were consuming my mind. This is the first time I've been so nervous that I've woken up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to bed. What usually happens is, you know, roll around for a bit, and you fall back a sleep. Except that didn't happen... I rolled around until about 5:10AM... And I finally got to bed, and woke up at 7:00AM. 

 

So my interview was at 9:30 and you know I had a talk to the graduate recruiter, she was just giving me some background about what the program entailed - also side note, the reception were very nice. After we had a chat for about 10 minutes, I moved to the room next door and was greeted by 2 associate directors, and we just ran through some behavioural questions. They just wanted to know a bit more about my experiences. After I left, I wasn't feeling too confident, I mean I didn't think I did terribly, but as always, I'm my own worst critic. I was told that they would get back to me by Tuesday afternoon, so I turned my phone onto vibrate - usually I have it on mute.

 

On my way home, I decided to turn my phone to mute because it kept vibrating and it was wasting battery. Once I left the train station, I looked down at my phone - 1 MISSED CALL from an mobile number I didn't have stored. Played back the voice mail, and it was the associate director - it had literally been an hour since I left the building. I started freaking out because why would they call me back so quickly - had I been that bad that they already decided I wasn't going to get it? I called her back and she told me that she was really impressed with my answers and that I pretty much answered them the way they wanted me to, and she offered me the position.

 

So, I remember writing a post about not being academically gifted a while ago - I mean this is something that I think has been inherent in me since primary school - I'm usually the well-rounded person - but not the best, just good I guess at various things. I really wanted to know what I was good at, during high school my friends were all good at Math or Science - and I was kind of good at English - but not really. Having grown up in Asian culture, it's always been good grades - grades pretty much dictated everything. You needed good grades to get into a selective school, to get into a good university. And now I can finally say, I didn't get top grades, and I finally made it into a Big 4. So if you're worried about making it because your grades aren't good enough, I guess I'm your example of you can make it. I feel like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders - I think I finally proved myself. 

 

Don't let your grades define who you are. You are an individual, don't fall pressure to what others expect from you. Be true to yourself and when you are true to yourself, you can be anything.

Anyway, super long post. But I think I've given myself my best chance, and I'm so glad.

Until next time,

Stay true, stay smiling.

x 

 

QUICK UPDATE.

Hi all :)

Just a quick update on what's going on.

Not sure, if I've got any regulars who come back 

to my blog every now and then to see what's going on.

The semester is winding up now, 

I've officially submitted all assignments for this semester -

 fingers cross I don't do too badly -

 I mean I'm not really use to the formats of Social Science submissions, but here's hoping. 

~

So I don't think I've shared on my blog that I've been stressing out applying for internships. 

Back in March, I submitted 3 applications, and I was rejected from 2 of them, 

and was still waiting for a reply from the last one.

 Just a bit of background and context - I had submitted 2 video interviews - 

I personally thought my interview for A was better than B. 

I got rejected from A a couple weeks ago, so I felt that I had no chance.

I mean it has been three months since I submitted my application.

 During this time, I've been applying endless to and HR volunteer jobs and HR internships (UNPAID)

 I was so upset that I got rejected from an unpaid position, .

I haven't heard anything back - so not going to lie, I was not feeling hopeful about my chances.

So yesterday I received a phone call from B telling me I've made it to the final stage - I'm really shocked, and a super nervous, my interview is on Monday - it goes for an hour,

not really sure what we're going to talk about for an hour.

I think the point of this post is to say that, you shouldn't give up, even when things seem helpless.

I mean, I was complaining to Brendan, telling him that no one wants me - even for a volunteer unpaid position. I mean, I haven't received an offer or anything, but I think it's a really good achievement

to make it this far, so I'm really proud of myself.

I'll let you know how the interview goes - fingers cross it goes well.

Until next time.

x

 

 

 

SOTD: Calvin Harris - We Belong Outside ft. Taylor Swift

Here's one for all you Taylor Swift & Calvin Harris fans.

Thinking about revamping my blog soon.
I have a couple ideas, but we'll see how it goes. :)
In the mean time, just an update about how I'm going.
It's nearing the end of the semester and because I only have 1 final exam, I have 3 hand in assignments/ exams before the end of semester. I'm not going to lie, I was super stressed before I started them, but I think even though the due date is near, and I haven't completed them, at least I'm on the way to completing them, and I know I'll definitely get them done.
Also another update, I booked tickets to go to Melbourne for the winter break, so looking forward to that too.
Anyway, until next time.
x

New hair?

This photo is from a couple weeks back, but I decided to change up my hair colour.

Breathing heightens, clench your fists, gasp for air, lungs close.

Break free, inhale slowly, exhale tears.

Look in the mirror, hold yourself together.

In your absence I find myself losing myself.

Just want to hold you, I can see you're still there.

I'm holding on. Pick me up. Rescue me. 

If you can't reach, I'll understand.

If I lose, I'll know I lost trying.

But now you know.

When you can't breathe.

AND I STILL MISS YOU.

I love you til the sun dies

SOTD: Little Do You Know - Alex & Sierra

Thank you for everything. ♡

ARE WE NEAR THE END?

WEDDING CELEBRATIONS #CICIERIC

HI AUTUMN.

Caught someone trespassing

So, I need to have a little rant. This morning I woke up and my mum had left to go to do some grocery shopping. And all of a sudden from my window, I could see some guy trying to open our garage door, so I was literally like wtf? But then he was wearing the same uniform as my dad, so I was like... maybe my dad's friend is dropping over some equipment or something. So I just let it go. 5 minutes later, I called him and was like, "hey, is your friend dropping over some equipment at our house?" and he's like "uhh no". By this time, I realised that he has used OUR property to set up his ladder so that he could have access to this electronic box. Then my dad said "oh, he's suppose to ask you, before he set sup his ladder". And then I got really pissed, because I was like what the fuck are you doing? So I decided to confront him - haha yes very big of me. He had to get something from his van, so when he left, I just stood at my front door waiting for him to come back, and the conversation went something like this. 

M: Hi

H: Hi

M: What are you doing?

H: Oh sorry I had to put up my ladder.

M: Oh so why didn't you ask?

H: Oh yeah sorry, your neighbour said I could

Me in my head : WTF?? ARE YOU JOKING?! Like using my neighbour as an excuse.

M: Uh.. yeah this isn't his house.

H: Yeah, i know, if i didn't say that, I would have asked.

M: .... Well you should have asked anyway, it's common courtesy. I woke up to the biggest scare today.

H: Your neighbour said oh you're good friends, it's okay.

M: I think you should have asked anyway. 

Then I just went back into my house. I was so angry, and I'm still pretty angry because what the actual fuck.

HYPNOTIC.

HI :)

N9NE MORE DAYS.

NON APPRECIATIVE PEOPLE FCUKING PISS ME OFF.

HELLO 2015 - INSPIRE.

• USA
• Get an internship
• Travel with family
• Higher WAM
• Eat healthy - fruits & vegetables
• Cook more often
• Turn a dream into reality
• Inspire
• Stay happy

BYE 2014.

• Hong Kong
• Brisbane
• National Breast Cancer Foundation
• Short hair
• Kate Spade Side Bag
• Survived 3001
• 21
• Highest WAM
• Sunday
• Katy Perry
• Blues Point
• Planned USA
• Peter Alexander
• Science Peer Mentoring